Ring Lardner

Chicago Tribune/October 11, 1914

CHICAGO, Ill., Oct. 10, 1914. Steve well Steve I got the bigest kind of a supprize for you and here it is Im going to stay here in Chi all winter and not coming home at all like I thot and heres how it come off. I was up to the girls house after the game yest. & I says well I wont be here much longer & I says what you going to do with your self when I aint here no more & what do you think Steve she busted out crying and couldn’t say nothing & I says what are you crying a bout though I knowed all the wile what she was crying a bout. Finely she quit blubbering & says she couldn’t bare to think a bout me going a way & what would she do with out me & I says yes I know but I cant stay here all winter on your acct. because it costs me to much money to live here & then she says would you stay here if you had a good job & I says yes if it was good enough & she says wait a minute & what does she do but go to the phone and call her old man up down to the brewry & I couldn’t here what was it she said because she was in the other rm. But finely she come back & says your going to stay here all winter because I got a job for you & I says what is it & she says your going to sell beer for the old man. what do you think of that for a job eh Steve. Im going to get $25.00 & no-100 dollars per wk. & all as I will half to do is go a round to the different saloons and sell them the beer that the girls old man makes & it aint no good but I don’t half to drink it may self only say that I like it & drink some thing else & I will get expense money so as I can drink all I feel like & it wont const me nothing. Pretty soft eh Steve.

Well Steve Im sorry on acct. of not seeing the boys at home but you see how it is & they aint no job at home where I could get $25.00 per wk. or ½ that much & besides I will be here in the same town with the girl and practaly in her family because I will be selling there beer & it works out fine all the way a round & may be if I sell a hole lot of beer the old man will take me in to pardner ship & then I can tell Hank O’Day & the hole bunch of them to go take a jump in Michigan Lake.

The little girl is tickeled to death & if shes tickeled to death why shouldent I be & I bet theys a lot of ball players including tie Cobb whod be glad to be in as good as I am & have a rich man like the girls old man so stuck on me.

Im going to work for him as soon is the city serious is over tho as far as me getting in to any of the games I might just is well go to work for him now but if I was to quit the team now they might  not give me no split of the money tho I guess theyd half to do that any way & if they didn’t I would higher a atty. In law & make them come a crost. But I feel sorry for this here bues & Fisher & McConnell & them fellows that was promussed a split of the money & garry Herrman told pres. Thos. That all the new men would be cut in for a small share but now garry Herrmann says the comishon for got to make no rule like that so it is up to the players if these new men will get a share or not & chances is they wont get noting tho pres. Thos. Thinking they would be a rule promussed them new men that they would get some thing. Garry Herrmann knowed just as much a bout it as he did a bout letting them new men take part in the serious & I guess his team don’t know no more a bout playing base ball than garry Herrmann knows a bout being the chair Man of the comishon.

At that Steve them new men aint going to be cut out of so much money because the crowds aint been as big is they use to be & we aint going to get no wheres near as much money as I figured but I should worry eh Steve with a $25.00 dollar per wk. job drinking beer & a big stand in with my girls old man. Im going to spend all my untire share of the serious money on close & if I should happen to come home xmas or some other time I will be drest up like a horse & may be you wont know me but I guess youd know me even if I come home with nothing on. But I got acquaneted with a taylor here & he says he would be willing to give me my close for ½ price because my shape would show them off so good that people would want to know where did I get them & when they found out they would go & get him to make them some close but of corse most people aint got no shape like I got but the taylor don’t care how them other people looks just as long is he sells them the close.

Well Steve I suppose the girls a round home will be disappointed when you tell them the bad news but I cant help it Steve & when I got this chance I cant a ford to monkey with no bush league girls.

You been reading the paper & know what we been doing in the serious &  both teams is so roten that it’s a wonder the mare of Chi don’t have them arrested for stealing the money.

I will write & let you know how I get a long. Yours respy. Bill.