Ring Lardner

Kansas City Star/September 6, 1923

Lardner Is Disappointed in Trip to Firpo’s Camp

With the Anticipation That Luis Might Divide a Cow With Him, The Humorist’s Hopes are Badly Shattered

We had a date yesterday morning to go out to Firpo’s headquarters at 10:30, which is practically the middle of the night in Atlantic City, you might say. However, we made it and only to find that Luis was still down on the board-walk doing his morning exercise, which consists of a game of leapfrog. 

Playing leapfrog on the boardwalk at this time of the year is a good deal like trying to stage a double headed ball game at 8 P.M. on the corner of Forty-second street and Broadway. Firpo’s training is different from anybody’s training I ever see, but I certainly ain’t going to try and give no advice to a boy who five years ago he was working as a porter in a drug warehouse and now he has got $300,000 in different banks, to say nothing about the $125,000 or some such figure, which he is bound to get out of the coming fisco with the so-called manassa mauler. 

A “Light Lunch” For Noon.

Well, anyway, we landed at Firpo’s cottage while mine host was still out and was greeted by chef who was about to start the light lunch which forms Firpo’s noonday meal, consisting of the other half of the cow which he enjoyed for breakfast and six eggs to wash it down and last but least the chickens that laid the eggs. 

Included amongst the young visitors was a couple of artists from New York, who had come out to draw portraits of the challenger. The artists was namely Wm De Leftwich Dodge and Joe Chase. While we awaited Firpo’s return, a Argentine blowed in and told us a little incidence that occurred the last time Luis posed for a picture.

This incidence come off in Havana which Luis was preparing himself his scheduled bout with Joe White. Firpo and party was setting in a restaurant enjoying the usual kind of a light lunch that Luis is fond of. The artist come in and introduced himself and said he thought he could make the picture during the meal. When he had it done he handed it to Firpo, who didn’t seem to think much of it. The picture was then shown to a Argentine friend of Firpo’s and after giving it one glance the friend got up and dropped the artist with a punch to the chin. 

A passing policeman heard the fight and come into the restaurant to enjoy it. The artist demanded the Argentine’s arrest for assault. The Argentine showed the picture  to the policeman and the policeman said the Argentine had been perfectly justified in hitting the artist, whereupon Argentine got up and parked another punch on the artists’ jaw, which discouraged him. While this story was related Messers Chase and Dodge listened very carefully and decided to take pains with their work. 

A “Diploma” Of Some Kind

Firpo finally blowed in and proudly showed us a kind of diploma which he had just received from a guy in Rochester, NY. The parchment showed a picture of Firpo coat of arms and words to the effect that the original Firpos was born in the eighteen century and that any offspring was bound to be interprid warriors. This seemed to tickle Luis, but he said don’t write too much about it as it might be a fake. 

Boys in the camp told us that the “bull”‘ don’t never sleep in a bed but when he goes into the room nights he takes a pillow off of the bed and throws it on the floor and lays on the floor all night. This is probably a part of his training for Dempsey. Willard should ought of rehearsed this system and may be he would of been more comfortable during his frequent naps on the canvas. I was kind of hoping to get invited to lunch as it has been a long time between meals in Atlantic City, but they was such a gang of us that even the ½ cow wouldn’t hardly of gone around so we beat it down town to a cafe and the waiter heard me talking about the fight and asked me how we thought it would come out. One of the boys expressed a opinion and then asked the waiter who did he like.

 “I don’t like none of them,” said the waiter.

 And they was no further argument. 

Today they are going to pick the most beautiful girl in American and all day yesterday the different candidates was walking up and down the board walk and the result was that attendance out at Firpo’s daily exhibition was kinda light.

Personally I am betting on Miss Albany, but the judges have been in Atlantic City pretty near a week and are libel to be blind by this time.