Ring Lardner

Boston Globe/October 6, 1922

Able to Find Way Out by Using Powerful Candle And Feeling Sides of Buildings

No doubt my readers has been tipped off by this time that the 2d game of the big was called on acct of darkness, but a great many of them may not know that the umpires and club owners was called a lot of different names which I will not repeat here but suffice It to say that none of them was honey, dearie and etc. 

The boys that had paid $5.50 and up to see a ball game did not seem to think it was dark enough for the umps to step in and stop it. Personly I will not express no opinion as some of my best friends is umpires, but will merely state that I started out of the press box the instant it was over and by aid of a powerful candle which I generally always carry to world serious games when Shawkey and Barnes is scheduled to pitch, why I was able to find my way down to the field where I run plum into A. D. Lasker, who had forgot to light his head lights. 

Will further state that nobody who I passed on the way out to 8th avenue had yet put on their pajamas or made any other preparations that would indicate the fall of night and even when I got down to Park’s row, pretty near a HR after the game’s untimely end, I was still able to grope my way to the office by feeling along the sides of buildings and was seated right here at my typewriter writing this article before the hoot owls and nightingales begun to emit their nocturnal squawk. 

However, one of our fellow passengers on the bus down town was Billy Evans, an umpire himself, and while he admitted that he had not saw none of the outfielders signalling to each other with flares, still and all he says the Polo grounds is a terrible hard place for the athletes, and a specially the batters, to see a ball when they’s the slightest twinge of darkness. As far as that’s conserned there is 2 or 3 of the boys on each of the contending clubs that don’t seem able to see the ball any too good even at high noon. 

Recalls Picking Willard

Anyway it means we are going to have a extra ball game to play over and some of we boys who predicted a short serious is being made to look like a monkey. Personly I was never so ashamed of myself since I picked Willard. 

The general opinion among the writing boys tonight was that the game being a tie is a big help to one of the two team but I forget which. It certainly aint no help to me and the only thing I liked about the day was the weather which it would make a person sick to even talk about a fur coat in such weather and it goes to show what a sucker a man would be to squander thousands and thousands of dollars in a costly fur garment and then maybe have a whole winter of just such days like today. 

Personly I seen a girl on the street last night wearing a linen duster and you have no idear how good they look on some people and keep you plenty warm too if you move around and don’t stand still.

Well friends I prophesied in these columns earlier in the week that Bob Shawkey would be a whole lot better this fall than he was last fall and that prophesy certainly come true, but the boy has still got the habit of pitching bad in the first innings and if I was running the Yankee ball club here is what I would do. When it was Bob’s turn to pitch, why just before the game started I would call Bob to one side and I would say “Well Bob its the second innings all ready.” If he believed it, why they would be nothing to prevent him from stepping right in and pitching his best from the start. 

Feeds Slow Ones to Babe

Jess Barnes pitched better than Bob at the start and not good at the finish. The way Jess pitched to Ruth did not seem to rouse unanimous enthusiasm amongst the bugs in the grand stand. Slow balls is what Jess feeds the Babe and the reason for same is because Babe don’t hit slow balls out of the ball park. If Jess did not feed the Babe slow balls when he knows he can’t hit slow balls so good, why that, would make Jess a ½ wit and when he does feed the Babe slow balls, why it shows he is thinking. That is why the crowd boos him for pitching slow balls because the average baseball bug hates to see anybody think. It makes them jealous.

Well friends tomorrow is another day and may the best team win as I often say to mother which is what I call the little woman when I am in a hurry and can’t think of her name.