Damon Runyon

Pittsburgh Sun-Telegraph/September 4, 1937

We went to the big prize fight the other hot night, and sat right in front of Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia, and perspired even more freely than his honor.

However, we had the advantage of being up there under the blazing ring lights, so we are not claiming that we could out–perspire the Mayor with everything equal. He is as good a perspirer as we ever witnessed.

We viewed one of the well-known underdogs of the world, a Mr. Thomas Farr, of Wales, scuffling through 15 rounds with plaintive looking Joe Louis, the heavyweight champion, and we were good and mad at Joe Louis at the closing bell because he had not knocked Mr. Farr cock-eyed.

Damon Let Down By Champion Joe

We have advised many of our readers that this would be the outcome, and we felt that Joe Louis let us down. We asked ourself what kind of a world champion this is not to be able to knock out a chappy like Mr. Farr, and not hearing any answer to our question, we sidled over to Mr. Gene Tunney, a former heavyweight champion, to ask him.

Fortunately, we remembered just in time that Mr. Tunney was not noted for knocking people out, and we withheld our question for fear he might think we were getting personal with him.

But we were still pretty hot about the matter, and we hunted up Mr. Jack Dempsey, who was champion before Mr. Tunney, and were tugging at Mr. Dempsey’s sleeve with the question on our tongue:

“What kind of a champion is this Joe Louis not to knock out somebody like Mr. Farr?”

At that moment, we heard Mr. Nate Lewis, the bald-headed pugilistic manager from Chicago, remarking to Mr. Bill Corum, the sports scribe, as if by way of refuting an argument:

“Yes, but Dempsey couldn’t catch up with Tommy Gibbons in 15 rounds, could he?”

So we did not disturb Mr. Dempsey.

Johnson Failed To ‘K.O.’ McLaglen

Nor did we bother to query John Arthur Johnson, an aged and slightly paunchy colored fellow, who was the only man of his race before Joe Louis is to hold the heavyweight title. We remembered that John Arthur Johnson could not knock out ever so many folks that he met in his time, including Mr. Victor McLaglen, the movie actor.

We are not suggesting that failure to knock out Mr. McLaglen was any reflection upon John Arthur Johnson’s ability, however. Mr. McLaglen may have been as tough to flatten in the ring as he is in the movies. Mr. McLaglen seldom loses a fight of any kind in the movies.

We could not, of course, put our question to Mr. John Cuccochay, otherwise Mr. Jack Sharkey, of Boston, another erstwhile champion. We were sure that Mr. Sharkey would think we were trying to get fresh with him, and Mr. Sharkey does not like to have folks get fresh with him.

We recalled an historic statement by Mr. Sharkey some years back when he was summoned before the august New York Boxing Commission, and chided for failure to knock out an opponent. On that occasion, Mr. Sharkey said:

“Say, who did I ever knock out, anyway? You look up my record, and you’ll find that I don’t never knock anybody out.”

Which was reasonably true, then, and thereafter.

Delicacy Prevents Questioning Baer

Our innate delicacy deterred us from popping the question to ex-champion Mr. Max Baer, or ex-champion Mr. James J. Braddock. They were both knocked out by Joe Louis. They might have thought we were deliberately renewing cruel memories.

Ex-Champion Herr Max Schmeling, of Germany, might have had our answer. You can see that there were many ex-champions at the big prize fight. Indeed, they were so numerous that the cash customers had to be warned against scratching matches on ex-champions.

Ex -Champion Herr Max Schmeling, who knocked out Joe Louis, who knocked out Mr. Max Baer, who knocked out Herr Schmeling, might have said that a champion who could not knock out Mr. Farr is no kind of a champion, but then ex-Champion Herr Schmeling is slightly prejudiced. We did not want prejudiced answers.

Anger Over Louis Abated by Reason

In the light of cooler reasoning, our anger at Joe Louis abated, and we got to thinking that maybe the reason he did not knock out Mr. Farr was because Mr. Farr was pretty good. Yes, that was it. Mr. Farr was pretty good. We went to bed on that, first giving those British scribes who told readers that Mr. Farr was an 18-karat clown, who would be flattened by Joe Louis in two ticks.

They now have to go home and explain that crack, as well as their expense accounts.

We took a peek at one of those British scribes along about the fourteenth round, we were leading Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia in perspiring by at least a magnum. The scribe was out-perspiring us both a dishpan full. He was thinking of his home-going.