Ring Lardner

Tampa Tribune/October 7, 1922

Amongst the inmates of our heavily mortgaged home in Great Neck is three members of what is sometimes referred to as the feline tribe, born the 11th day of last April and Christined respectfully, Barney, Blackie and Ringer. These 3 little ones is motherless, as the lady cat who bore them aptly named Robinhood, took sick one June day and was given away by Fred to a friend to whom he kindly refrained from mentioning her illness.

These 3 little members of the feline tribe is the cutest and best behaved kittles in all catdom, their conduct having always been above reproaches outside of a tendency on the part of Ringer to bite strangers’ Knuckles. Now here on Long Island is a more lovable trio of grimatkins, and how it pierces my old heart to think that some day next week these 9 little fellows must be shot down like a dog so as their fur can be fashioned into a warm winter coat for she who their antics have often caused to screek with laughter. Yes, boys, the 2 little kittens is practicaly doomed you might say, and all because today’s game at the Polo Grounds was not called on account of darkness long before it started, though there was no time during the afternoon when the Yankees could see. I probably never would of heard of a cat skin coat was it not for an accident introduction last night to a man who has did nothing all his life but sell and wear fur coats and who told me that no finer or more warmer garment can be fashioned than is made from the skin of a milk fed kitty.

“Listen,” was the way he put it. “You would be a even worse sucker than you are if you was to squander thousands on thousands of dollars on the fur of a muskrat or a mule when you have right in your own asylum the making of the most satisfactory and handsome coat that money can buy.”

“Yes,” was the reply, “and I personally seen some of the best dressed women in New York strolling up and down 10th avenue during the last cold snap with cat skin garments no bigger than a guest towel.”

So while I said a few paragraphs ago that the result of this ball game spelled the doom of our little kittles, why as a matter of fact I have just about made up my mind to not buy no costly furs even if the Yankees does come through and bring me out on the right side of the public ledger. Whatever I win on bets in this serious I will freely give to charity. I would try and describe this game to you in intimate detail was it not played in such darkness that I was only able to see a few incidence, one of these few occurred in the 3rd innings and consisted of Whitey Witt getting caught asleep off of first base by a snap throw from one of the Smith brothers. Henry Edwards, the dean of Cleveland baseball experts, explained this incidence by saying that Whitey thought he was still with the Athletes. It is more likely, however, that Whitey was led by the darkness into believing it was his bed time.

The next Incidence come in the 4th innings when the Babe tried to go from first to third on a wallop by Bob Meusel that got away from Frisch. Frankie pegged the ball to Hein Groh, who stood in Babe’s path to third, but it was so dark that Babe crashed right smack into him and secured a rolling fall. For a minute it looked like they would be fist cuffs between the two famous athletes but Heine suddenly remembered the advice given him by his first school teacher (never be a bully), and the fight was over before it begun.

Fifteen minutes before the start of the game the official announcer come up to the press box and said that McQuillan was going to pitch for the Giants. A minute later he come around again and said to make it Scott instead of McQuillan, McQuillan thus broke Fred Toney’s record of the length of time spent in a world serious ball game. I will close this article by making a apology to the boys who I have given tickets for games No. 1 and 3 and whose seats is in section 24 which is as far north as you can get without falling out of the grand stand. The gent who sold me these seats thought I was a close friends of the Meusel boys and might want to set out there myself and kid with them.