Tag Archives: sports

Best Strategy in Pinch is to Walk Babe Ruth

Damon Runyon

El Paso Times/October 10, 1923

NEW YORK, Oct. 9.—Our young friend, Mr. Arthur Robinson, enthusiastic authority on baseball, leans over and suggests that the world series will be McGraw vs. Babe Ruth—“the master mind against brute force.”

It is young Mr. Robinson’s idea that if McGraw, sitting on the bench of the Giants, can transmit to his pitchers certain strategy in pitching to Ruth, the big slugger of the Yankees, they will be helpless and the Giants will win.

It is an interesting thought.

But McGraw himself can not do the pitching to Ruth.

His baseball brain must be turned on Ruth second-hand. That makes McGraw’s task very difficult.

***

Intelligence—a “master mind”—can not always offset brute force.

Put a gorilla in a stout cage and an intelligent man standing outside the cage could easily devise a method of destroying the gorilla without harm to himself.

But if the man went inside the cage with the gorilla, all the intelligence in the world couldn’t save the man.

Of course, in this case the value of intelligence as opposed to brute force would be in the fact that intelligence would keep the man from going into the cage.

***

McGraw, sitting on the bench of the Giants, with Ruth at bat, may see some method of outwitting the slugger.

But McGraw can not personally execute the method.

He must explain it to his pitcher. If the pitcher doesn’t also have a “master mind,” what will happen?

That is on the knees of the baseball gods.

***

“Germany” Schmidt was a left-handed pitcher of the long ago, called eccentric, yet by no means lacking intelligence.

He had a small notebook in which he would enter the batting weaknesses of different ball players as he discovered them in his pitching.

At times he would hole up a game while he pulled out his little book and consulted it to refresh his memory on some man at the plate to see how to pitch to him.

One day John Honus Wagner, great old time slugger of the Pittsburgh Pirates, was at bat. “Germany” pondered a moment, then reached for his book. He had forgotten his notation on Wagner. IN the book he found he had made this entry:

“Wagner: Batting weakness—Base on balls.”

***

McGraw told the writer this story years ago.

Perhaps McGraw will recall the story when Ruth steps to the plate at a critical moment and the master mind is whirling in an effort to evolve strategy to overcome brute force.

At the race track they say, “When in doubt, play Sande.”

The meaning is, if a bettor is undecided what horse to bet on in a race, it is wisdom to select the horse on which Earl Sande, the king of the jockeys, has the mount.

When Babe Ruth as at the bat n a pinch, the best strategy is to give him the base on balls.

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Third League Holds Meeting in Chicago to Fight Majors

Damon Runyon

Chicago Examiner/January 12, 1913

U. S. League Magnates Find Backing and Plan to Renew Outlaw Organization: Want Kling in Kansas City.

Kansas City, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Baltimore and Pittsburg May Join.

The United States League is not dead. The baseball world smiled a dry smile when it read, a short time ago, that the organization had been incorporated in the State of New Jersey, apparently believing that said incorporation would be about the last thing heard of the project. 

But there was a mysterious meeting of the league yesterday and it was held within our gates. It was impossible to spot the place where the promoters were gathered, but there was every reason to believe they were gathered somewhere, and that their session was a long and interesting one 

When the league was reorganized. Mr. Whitman of Richmond, Va., was elected president. He was the owner of the Richmond club in last year’s circuit, and it was said he dropped some money when things went wrong. Richmond is not in the new body and Mr. Whitman will probably be content with the executive position. 

Sams Gain Support

The articles of incorporation announced the capital stock as $125,000. While this sum would not go far toward building up a league designed to rival the two majors, it is more than could be produced for the launching of the scheme a year ago. 

Chicago is not to be included in the circuit, according to present plans. Still, an effort will be made to interest local capitalists and this city will have a club if someone is willing to pay for it. 

The league, as outlined, will be made up of Kansas City, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Pittsburg and Baltimore. It was thought that certain wealthy residents of Kansas City would back a club there, but, after looking into the matter thoroughly, they passed it up, saying the circuit was unwieldy. 

Want Kling in Kansas City

It was pointed out that Baltimore was almost off the map so far as the other towns were concerned. There is a chance that Baltimore will be given up if a substitute can be found for it. 

After their temporary setback in Kansas City, the promoters decided to approach John Kling with their proposition. John is a careful person and not likely to put money into anything shaky. He will have to be convinced that the new league has come to stay before he will invest. However, Kling might be prevailed upon to take the management of the club in his home town. Last year, the backers of the league in Pittsburg put an entire season’s salary in the bank for Deacon Phillippi, their manager, before the season started. An act of this kind might swing Kling around in a hurry. 

Kling will not be without offers this year, anyway. Joe Tinker was billed to start for Kansas City last night to see about landing him for the Reds. Joe has been given permission by the Boston club to deal with John. 

Cubs to Play Indianapolis 

President Murphy of the Cubs announced that another date had been added to the list of practice games for the Cubs this Spring. They will play Mike Kelley’s team in Indianapolis on April 1. They already had been booked there for April 2, 3, 4 and 5. 

Manager Jim Callahan of the Sox is expected home from Davenport to-day. It has been decided that the Sox will go to the coast over the Northwestern lines. There will be the usual special train. It will leave Chicago the evening of February 20. 

President Johnson of the American League is preparing to entertain the other members of the National Commission, who will be in Chicago next Thursday for the postponed annual meeting.

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McGraw Says Cubs Will Be in Fight

Damon Runyon

Chicago Examiner/January 14, 1913

“Muggsy,” in Chicago, Says Evers Will Make Good; Expects Yanks to Draw.

“The Chicago Cubs of 1913 will be stronger than the Chicago Cubs of 1912”— John J. McGraw, manager of the Giants. 

Now, you know that Mr. McGraw is appearing at the Palace this week and naturally is not averse to making remarks designed to please the residents of Chicago. But if you are acquainted with Mr. McGraw, you know that he doesn’t say things like that unless he believes them. Besides, this is his only week here, and probably his last week on the vaudeville stage this Winter. 

The manager of the National League champions elaborated a bit on the foregoing, though, as follows: 

“The Chicago club made a wise move in securing Bresnahan. Roger is not an old man. There is lots of good baseball left in him, and it’s a cinch he will play his head off for the Cubs. 

“Then John Evers should be better than he was last season. He was as good as he could be late in the campaign, but it is said his health was not of the best in the early months. Vic Saier, who started out last Spring comparatively green, improved wonderfully. He developed into a high-class first-baseman, and there’s every reason to believe that he will add polish with experience. Mike Mitchell is a great ball player and it is certain he will help Chicago.” 

Approves Bresnahan Move

Thus spake John J., with sincerity and conviction. He added that part of the wisdom displayed by Messrs. Murphy and Evers in landing Bresnahan had to do with the injury of Jimmy Archer’s knee. 

“If Archer’s leg should fail him,” he said, “Bresnahan would certainly come in come in handy. I know something about these bad knees from personal experience. One of them put an end to my career as a player.” 

Concerning the acquisition of Frank Chance by the Yankees, McGraw remarked: 

“That will help baseball in New York. The Yankees were going badly and the result was that people went out of town when we made our long trips despite their love for the game. They would have stayed to see the American League games if the Yankees had been stronger. 

Draws More Than Marquard

“Chance is a great manager, and just the sort of man Farrell needs. He ought to win back lots of patronage. Moreover, if the Yankees play on the Polo Grounds, they will be much better off. The Hilltop park is hard to get to, and the plant cannot accommodate the people. I believe we could get more money out of the sale of our boxes than they could from the sale of their entire grandstand.” 

McGraw has a chance to play one more week— in Brooklyn. But he intends to pass it up, for, he says, he has been neglecting his real business too long. His act lasts about twelve minutes, and he talks baseball just as he does off the stage. He confesses to faint-heartedness such as never troubled him on the diamond. 

He was informed by an official of the theater that he had outdrawn Rube Marquard’s act here by a couple of hundred dollars. 

“Why not?” he asked. “A freak ought to outdraw an actor. Rube’s an actor.” 

A theater party, followed by a supper at which McGraw was guest of honor, was attended by almost everybody of baseball importance in Chicago last night. 

“Cal” Back From Davenport

 Another vaudevillian, Frank Fogarty, blew into town for a week, and regretted that his engagement prevented his talking continually about the White Sox. Frank is probably the most ardent Sox bug in existence, with the possible exception of Bill Dorgan. 

Manager Jim Callahan returned from Davenport, where he “did” a week. He was called on by Pitcher Frank Lange, who came down from Wisconsin just to assure his boss that he was going to have a great season. 

At the office of President Murphy of the Cubs it was announced that Bresnahan, Charley Smith, Otis Clymer, Martin Berghammer and Grump Miller had signed. Grump was on hand to verify the report concerning himself. He is to be star end man at the Elks’ minstrels in Dixon next week, and is still looking for jokes. 

A few days ago we advertised in these columns that “King” Cole was prepared to manage any aspiring “white hope”— and not without result. 

“Where’s ‘King’ Cole?” demanded 240 pounds of masculine humanity, pushing itself through the door of the barber shop yesterday. 

“I’ll see if he’s in,” answered the “King,” edging toward a back room. 

“I’m Bert Hess, the heavyweight, and I want him for a manager,” said the huge party. 

And with this the “King” soothingly told him that pushing a razor and hurling a baseball formed the limit of his versatility. 

Luther McCarty’s Nemesis left disappointed.

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Baseball Rulers Meet Here Today

Damon Runyon

Chicago Examiner/January 16, 1913

Herrmann and Lynch Coming; American Association Magnates Gather in Chicago

Now that Billy Locke has finally succeeded in buying the Phillies the National Commission can go ahead with the business of organized baseball. Garry Herrmann, chairman of the commission, and Tom Lynch, one of its members, will be here this morning for the annual meeting, which is to be held in the office of the other member, President Ban Johnson of the American League. 

No one has ever doubted Ban’s power in baseball. The extent of it may be guessed when it is known that Ban was unable to attend the session in Cincinnati a couple of weeks ago; that said session broke up because of his absence, and that Messrs. Lynch and Herrmann decided to transfer the meeting place to Chicago, which is Ban’s home. 

There is little of real importance to the convention here. Mr. Herrmann and Secretary Bruce will read their annual reports and some cases concerning ball players will be decided. 

Association Magnates Here

While the big league court is being held in the Fisher Building, the American Association magnates will gather in their annual meeting at the Congress Hotel. The representatives of Louisville, Indianapolis and St. Paul arrived yesterday. Bill Friel, Mike Kelley’s successor as boss of the Saints, is on hand as proxy for Owner George Lennon, who is sick. 

President Sol Meyer and Manager Kelley came in from Indianapolis. They conferred with President Murphy and the latter announced that another spring date had been made for the Cubs in the Indiana metropolis. March 31 was the day set, and this gives the Cubs seven straight engagements with Kelley’s team. Presidents Murphy and Meyer are making allowances for the spring rains interfering with two or three of the games. 

Reulbach Signs for One Year.

Edward Reulbach was the most distinguished visitor in the Cub offices yesterday. He conferred with Mr. Murphy in the forenoon and then signed a contract for one year, a contract that was satisfactory to Edward, judging from the smile which wreathed his handsome features after the signing process. Bob Craig, the New York shortstop recruit, also expressed satisfaction with terms by sending in his signed document. 

President Comiskey and Manager Callahan were too busy with the meeting of the Jerome Hunting and Fishing Club to pay much attention to baseball. Cal is expecting good results from his Indian pitcher, George Murphy Johnson, who made quite a “rep” in the Western League. George is heralded as a wonder in cold weather, and for that reason he should have the advantage over some of the other recruits in the early spring. 

On the opening day of the season of 1911, a cold day, Johnson pitched a no-hit game. He is credited with several one and two-hit performances and all of them were pitched in the spring or fall.

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O’Day Refuses Job as Umpire

Damon Runyon

Chicago Examiner/January 18, 1913

President Tom Lynch of the National League left Chicago yesterday in a sad frame of mind. He had failed to sign Henry O’Day to an umpire’s contract and had also failed to get Henry’s promise to return to his old love. 

While Mr. Lynch came here to attend the meeting of the National Commission, he figured that he could make his visit more profitable by persuading Hank to take back the job that was his before he became manager of the Reds. He had a long talk with the veteran umpire, but Hank would not give him any satisfaction. 

It is thought that O’Day would prefer an American League berth to one in the National. It might be embarrassing for him to officiate once more in a league in which he had been a manager. President Johnson would give Hank a place in a moment if he had the consent of the National League chief. However, there is no strings to O’Day and he is at liberty to sign wherever he pleases. 

“Hank” Delays Acceptance.

“I won’t make up my mind until the first of next month,” said Hank yesterday. “I have several managerial positions in sight and I’m not at all sure I will umpire this year. I don’t consider myself under obligations to the National League nor any other body.” 

The Cub catching staff, which was trimmed a while ago by the release of George Yantz to New Orleans, took on weight again yesterday when this same Yantz was turned back under the rules of organized baseball. In disposing of Yantz President Murphy overlooked the new law which provides that waivers must be secured from all major league clubs on a drafted player. The Cub owner may now seek waivers, or he may decide to carry Yantz on his list for a time. 

Farrell Thanks Murphy.

Mr. Murphy received the signed contract of Utility Man Wilbur Good, who is wintering in Baltimore. In the magnate’s mail was also a letter from Frank Farrell, thanking Mr. Murphy for his good wishes toward Chance and the Yankees. 

Manager Callahan of the Sox announced that Morris Rath, second baseman, had signed. Rath lives at Absecon Heights, N. J. He was not a holdout. Morris seems to have a tight hold on his job with the Sox and will go about his work more confidently after a successful season with the South Siders. 

President Mike Sexton of the National Association of Minor Leagues is soon going to Auburn, N. Y., to clean up the work that has been left undone because of the illness of Secretary John Farrell. No one envies Mike his job.

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Ring Lardner Has Money on Yankees

Ring Lardner

The Tampa Tribune/October 4, 1922

Last year’s Series Was Conquest Of Mind Over Matter, But This Time Nothing Is The Matter

In the last 24 hrs. the telegraph office at Great Neck has been swamped you might say with telegrams from baseball fans all over the country wanting to know who have I bet on in the world serious in order to win the little woman the price of a costly fur coat. 

Well friends as I have not got no broadcasting station in our little home, why I guess the easiest way to satisfy the nation wide curiosity in regards to my choice is to make my announcement through the press and I realize that this announcement is going to come like a big surprise as a great many people thinks I am crazy.

Well friends I have bet on the Yankees.

Further and more I would not be throwed into no fever of excitement was the Yankees to win in 4 straight games though I have not bet no fur coat on that kind of a proposition.

I hope they won’t be no National league fans in N. Y. or elsewheres who will take offense at these here statements and I want to assure one and all that my attitude ain’t been influenced in no way by personal animals as some of my best friends is in the National League and my favorite athlete from a stand point of good cheer is young Mr. Stengel.

Not only that but I won a very small wager on the Giants last fall and therefore feel sympathetic towards same. But a man can’t let their sentiments run away with them when their Mrs. is hollering for a flea skin coat. 

Now I suppose my readers who is reading this article will no sooner read which team I have picked when they will want to know the reason why. Well friends I will exclaim in a nutshell.

The serious last yr. was a triumph of mind over matter but this yr. they ain’t nothing the matter. 

Blame Frazee for One Weak Point

The Yankees went into the serious last yr. with the Babe crippled and only 2 guys that could pitch. Bob Shawkey who is one of the best pitchers in the league looked like the game of baseball was to him a new toy. Well at this writeing they ain’t nothing the matter with the Babe and Shawkey is his old self and as for the rest of the pitching corpse, you can realize the difference between last fall’s and this fall’s if you stop to think that Carl Mays, who everything depended on him last time, may not even half to warm up.

Further and more the weak spot of the 1921 defense which was the left side of the infield is now being took care of by the best pair since Weaver and Risberg on the other side. Pipp and Ward are at least as good as ever and Whitey Witt is a pillow of strength to the outfield as Lou Richie used to say and all and all you can’t find no weakness out side of the lack of a good left hand pitcher which of course is Harry Frazee’s fault not mine.

Giant Fans Needn’t Write

Now then how does this season’s Giants compare with the champs of 1921? Well they have got Heine Groh who is good enough to help any body’s ball club, and they don’t miss Geo. Burns on acct. of the way young Stengel is going. 

But when old Shuffling Phil wrote that mash note to his dear friend Les, he not only wrote goodby to his own big league career but also a fond farewell to the Giants’ hopes of repeating. Under good management you can stagger along and win a pennant without pitchers a specially if the competition is weak. But a world serious is something else. 

These is some of the things which has caused me to rely on the Yanks for the madam’s eel skin coat and while I am predicting will also state: 

(1) That the Babe will hit at least 3 out of the park. 

(2) That Joe Bush will pitch at least one shut out.

(3) That people who never seen Shawkey pitch except last fall will be surprised. 

This is how I feel about it brother and of course I may be wrong which won’t be the 1st. time. But if I am wrong it won’t be necessary for Giant fans to write and call my attention to same. The Mrs. will let me know in her own way.

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Ring Lardner on the World Serious

Ring Lardner

Boston Globe/October 6, 1922

Able to Find Way Out by Using Powerful Candle And Feeling Sides of Buildings

No doubt my readers has been tipped off by this time that the 2d game of the big was called on acct of darkness, but a great many of them may not know that the umpires and club owners was called a lot of different names which I will not repeat here but suffice It to say that none of them was honey, dearie and etc. 

The boys that had paid $5.50 and up to see a ball game did not seem to think it was dark enough for the umps to step in and stop it. Personly I will not express no opinion as some of my best friends is umpires, but will merely state that I started out of the press box the instant it was over and by aid of a powerful candle which I generally always carry to world serious games when Shawkey and Barnes is scheduled to pitch, why I was able to find my way down to the field where I run plum into A. D. Lasker, who had forgot to light his head lights. 

Will further state that nobody who I passed on the way out to 8th avenue had yet put on their pajamas or made any other preparations that would indicate the fall of night and even when I got down to Park’s row, pretty near a HR after the game’s untimely end, I was still able to grope my way to the office by feeling along the sides of buildings and was seated right here at my typewriter writing this article before the hoot owls and nightingales begun to emit their nocturnal squawk. 

However, one of our fellow passengers on the bus down town was Billy Evans, an umpire himself, and while he admitted that he had not saw none of the outfielders signalling to each other with flares, still and all he says the Polo grounds is a terrible hard place for the athletes, and a specially the batters, to see a ball when they’s the slightest twinge of darkness. As far as that’s conserned there is 2 or 3 of the boys on each of the contending clubs that don’t seem able to see the ball any too good even at high noon. 

Recalls Picking Willard

Anyway it means we are going to have a extra ball game to play over and some of we boys who predicted a short serious is being made to look like a monkey. Personly I was never so ashamed of myself since I picked Willard. 

The general opinion among the writing boys tonight was that the game being a tie is a big help to one of the two team but I forget which. It certainly aint no help to me and the only thing I liked about the day was the weather which it would make a person sick to even talk about a fur coat in such weather and it goes to show what a sucker a man would be to squander thousands and thousands of dollars in a costly fur garment and then maybe have a whole winter of just such days like today. 

Personly I seen a girl on the street last night wearing a linen duster and you have no idear how good they look on some people and keep you plenty warm too if you move around and don’t stand still.

Well friends I prophesied in these columns earlier in the week that Bob Shawkey would be a whole lot better this fall than he was last fall and that prophesy certainly come true, but the boy has still got the habit of pitching bad in the first innings and if I was running the Yankee ball club here is what I would do. When it was Bob’s turn to pitch, why just before the game started I would call Bob to one side and I would say “Well Bob its the second innings all ready.” If he believed it, why they would be nothing to prevent him from stepping right in and pitching his best from the start. 

Feeds Slow Ones to Babe

Jess Barnes pitched better than Bob at the start and not good at the finish. The way Jess pitched to Ruth did not seem to rouse unanimous enthusiasm amongst the bugs in the grand stand. Slow balls is what Jess feeds the Babe and the reason for same is because Babe don’t hit slow balls out of the ball park. If Jess did not feed the Babe slow balls when he knows he can’t hit slow balls so good, why that, would make Jess a ½ wit and when he does feed the Babe slow balls, why it shows he is thinking. That is why the crowd boos him for pitching slow balls because the average baseball bug hates to see anybody think. It makes them jealous.

Well friends tomorrow is another day and may the best team win as I often say to mother which is what I call the little woman when I am in a hurry and can’t think of her name.

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Telegrams to Lardner Are Requesting His Pick for the 1923 World’s Series

Damon Runyon

Joplin Globe/October 8, 1922

We will start this article out with a little heart interest story which come off right after today’s big battle at the alleged Polo grounds. I had been invited to ride down in Harry Frazees costly motor which was parked inside the grounds and down near the athletes dressing rooms. We found the car all right but it took quite a wile to find the driver as he had bet on the Yankees. He finely showed up when everybody but we and 2 or 3 of the athletes had went home. Right outside of the gate was a couple of little kiddies, standing in the drooling rain to catch a glimpse of the heros as they drove out in their costly limesines. 

Well friends in addition to the driver the inmates of our car was myself, Frankie Callahan, Mr. Frazee, the proprietor of the car, and a friend of his named Mr. Belwin. Well friends the 2 little kiddies seen us coming and one of them advanced dangerously close to the car so as to get a good look. He got his good look and turning to his companion said “theres nobody in ther.” 

Reaching my costly office along about the time when people who had bet on the Giants was enjoying their supper I found the joint flooded with telegrams from big gamblers all over our land. Every one of them wanted to know who I was picking to win the world serious of 1923. 

Speaking about gamblers I suppose you fans has read all the columns that has been wrote in regards to the betting on this serious. One day boys come out and say that the Yankees is a big favorite for this game or the game and the odds is 7 or 8 to 5. The next day the odds has shifted a little and the big gamblers is offering 8 to 5 with the Giants favorites. You naturally suppose that somebody has offered to lay a few paltry hundred thousands on this club or that club and the supporters of the other club has eagerly snapped it up. 

Well friends the real dopo as far as I have been able to find out is that when the papers say 7 to 5 in favor of the Yankees they mean that some plunger from the fashionable lower east side has laid 70 cents vs 50 cents and when the odds is 6 to 5 in favor of the Giants it means that some other plunger has laid three 2 cents stamps vs 2 ones and a 2.

Once in a while you read that Mr. Strauss has got a commission of 10,000 smackers to lay on the Giants and same can be grabbed by going over to his place in Brooklyn, but when you get there you find out that his place is a shoe repair shop and the proprietors little gal is going over the floor with a broom trying to find the only dime in the joint. 

John Do Yalo, the sage of Broadway, is the boy around this Metropolis that knows when bets is really made on big sporting events and Johns dope is that outside of my own enormerous wagers, which runs us in to dollars of dollars, the total amount bet on this here serious is $86.20. As far as I have been able to find out I am the only guy in New York city that is more to be pitied than secured in regards to this serious and all as I can say is that I hope the bird that took my bet will do what I was going to do in the case I copped, namely give a large share of the receipts to the home for left handed pall bearers. 

The lease said about the game out there today, why so much the better. After the 1st inning we was afraid that the game would be stopped on account of rain. After the 1st half of the 5th inning we was afraid it wouldnt. I will not make no further comments in regards to how the game was played only to state that if it had been played in St. Louis and some of the athletes had stopped a pop bottle with their bean they would of been glass showered all over the ball yard. The boys is now talking about playing an extra game for the benefit of this writer but I dont want no benefits played for me but if they are looking around for some worthy charity to who to give the receipts of the the game, why my telephone number is Great Neck 103.

It aint only betting on the Yankees that is expensive in a event like this kind, but coming to New York every day keeps a person wearing different shirts and the laundry bills is going to mount up something terrible. When they aint no world serious ill progress or nothing else going on to bring me to town, why theys sometimes whole months passes when I dont half to change buttons from one costly garment to another.

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Big Hats and Cowboy Boots at Fordham

Damon Runyon

Leader-Tribune/October 27, 1937

We got tangled up with posse of West Texans last Saturday. It was at the football game between New York’s Fordham, and Fort Worth’s Texas Christian University, at the Polo Grounds.

We will not make too much here of the fact that this football game was one of the most popeyed gridiron propositions we have ever witnessed, and that Fordham was mighty lucky to sweat out a 7 to 6 victory in the last couple of minutes of play. That has already been gone into at length in the public prints. Our chief concern is with those West Texans.

They were headed by Carter, the hidalgo of West Texas, publisher of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, and a fabulous character. He wore a pure white sombrero, the size of a. pup-tent, a pure white polo coat, and a pair of fancy stitched cow-puncher boots.

There were about 250 of the West Texans under command of the hidalgo, and they brought a band of 52 pieces with them, the musicians being arrayed in nice white uniforms. Between the football halves, Mr. Carter, in person, led the band in a parade about the field, and upwards of 25,000 inmates of the Bronx, Harlem, and other sections of New York cheered the imposing figure of Mr. Carter to what we locally call the echo.

The field was muddy. Mr. Carter’s high heels sank to his fetlocks in the ooze at every step. By the time he got back to his box in the upper tier among his fellow West Texans, he was all tuckered out, but his football enthusiasm was unabated.

It is only fair to report that Mr. Carter does not always go about sartorially accoutered like a cinema hero of a horse opera. As a matter of fact, in his native habitat, he dresses like all the other rich clubmen of Fort Worth, which is in the manner of Mr. Menjou.

The white sombrero, and the boots of Saturday, we suspect, were merely by way of a touch of color and atmosphere for the edification of the New York yeomanry, who like to see reality come up to their imagination, and who imagine everybody down in Texas wears those big lids, and footgear, and shouts yip-yip-yippy with every other breath.

Mr. Carter being the most adroit salesman of West Texas in all his section of the Lone Star state, and as frequent a visitor to New York City as if he had an office here, understands this New York idea, and basely panders to it. He even went in for the yip-yip-yippy business during the football game, especially in the early stages when Texas Christians whipped a score over on Fordham faster than you could say wojciechowiez, the name of the Fordham center, which seemed to baffle the soft spoken West Texans.

In this yip-yipping, Mr. Carter was joined by his fellow West Texans, who included Dr. E.M. Waites, president. of TCU, which has a student co-ed membership of 1,500, and Dr. Webb Walker, famous sponsor TCU’s team. Stanley Thompson, president of the Fort Worth baseball club, winner of the Texas league pennant and of the Dixie championship, and F. J. Adams, of the Gulf Oil Company, were also present.

Then Mr. Carter. had impaneled quite a number of former West Texans to augment his cheering section. They included Mr. Silliman Evans, noted publisher of the Nashville Tennessean, who was with Mr. Carter in Fort Worth for twelve years, and Mr. Byron Foy, president of De Soto Motors, and Chrysler vice president, a quiet, good looking gentleman, who was more repressed vocally than the others, but who gave the Texas Christian plays plenty of what we call “body English.”

That is to say, Mr. Foy’s anatomy moved with the plays, this way and that, and while no sound came from him, it was obvious that his movements were directed by violent internal emotion. This betokens the football fan who is apt to wind up with his internal organs slightly strained. A football fan on the order of, say, Mr. Silliman Evans, who lets himself go, runs no greater risk than the fracture of the larynx.

Among these ladies and gentlemen of West Texas, come all that long distance to lend their support to their favorite football team, you sensed something of the spirit that has made the sundown side of the lone star state one of lustiest, liveliest sections of the land. They were well dressed, hearty, healthy and prosperous looking folks of great amiability.

You judged from their conversation that their interest in their football team is something personal, and intimate, and neighborly. They knew all about the individual players. They were a little blue over the outcome, but they did not forget their West Texas courtesy, and gave the Fordham boys a round of applause at the finish.

A New York lady approached Mr. Carter, sitting silent and disconsolate after the game, for his autograph, and asked:

“Well, how did you like it?”

“I didn’t like it, ma’am,” said Mr. Carter, courteously.

“Oh, don’t cry about it,” said the lady, encouragingly. “It was a wonderful game.”

“I’m not crying, ma’am,” said Mr. Carter. “And it was a wonderful game. But you asked me how I like it, and I tell you, I didn’t like it. I still don’t like it. In West Texas, ma’am, truth always comes first.”

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Joe Louis Question Goes Unanswered, Mostly

Damon Runyon

Pittsburgh Sun-Telegraph/September 4, 1937

We went to the big prize fight the other hot night, and sat right in front of Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia, and perspired even more freely than his honor.

However, we had the advantage of being up there under the blazing ring lights, so we are not claiming that we could out–perspire the Mayor with everything equal. He is as good a perspirer as we ever witnessed.

We viewed one of the well-known underdogs of the world, a Mr. Thomas Farr, of Wales, scuffling through 15 rounds with plaintive looking Joe Louis, the heavyweight champion, and we were good and mad at Joe Louis at the closing bell because he had not knocked Mr. Farr cock-eyed.

Damon Let Down By Champion Joe

We have advised many of our readers that this would be the outcome, and we felt that Joe Louis let us down. We asked ourself what kind of a world champion this is not to be able to knock out a chappy like Mr. Farr, and not hearing any answer to our question, we sidled over to Mr. Gene Tunney, a former heavyweight champion, to ask him.

Fortunately, we remembered just in time that Mr. Tunney was not noted for knocking people out, and we withheld our question for fear he might think we were getting personal with him.

But we were still pretty hot about the matter, and we hunted up Mr. Jack Dempsey, who was champion before Mr. Tunney, and were tugging at Mr. Dempsey’s sleeve with the question on our tongue:

“What kind of a champion is this Joe Louis not to knock out somebody like Mr. Farr?”

At that moment, we heard Mr. Nate Lewis, the bald-headed pugilistic manager from Chicago, remarking to Mr. Bill Corum, the sports scribe, as if by way of refuting an argument:

“Yes, but Dempsey couldn’t catch up with Tommy Gibbons in 15 rounds, could he?”

So we did not disturb Mr. Dempsey.

Johnson Failed To ‘K.O.’ McLaglen

Nor did we bother to query John Arthur Johnson, an aged and slightly paunchy colored fellow, who was the only man of his race before Joe Louis is to hold the heavyweight title. We remembered that John Arthur Johnson could not knock out ever so many folks that he met in his time, including Mr. Victor McLaglen, the movie actor.

We are not suggesting that failure to knock out Mr. McLaglen was any reflection upon John Arthur Johnson’s ability, however. Mr. McLaglen may have been as tough to flatten in the ring as he is in the movies. Mr. McLaglen seldom loses a fight of any kind in the movies.

We could not, of course, put our question to Mr. John Cuccochay, otherwise Mr. Jack Sharkey, of Boston, another erstwhile champion. We were sure that Mr. Sharkey would think we were trying to get fresh with him, and Mr. Sharkey does not like to have folks get fresh with him.

We recalled an historic statement by Mr. Sharkey some years back when he was summoned before the august New York Boxing Commission, and chided for failure to knock out an opponent. On that occasion, Mr. Sharkey said:

“Say, who did I ever knock out, anyway? You look up my record, and you’ll find that I don’t never knock anybody out.”

Which was reasonably true, then, and thereafter.

Delicacy Prevents Questioning Baer

Our innate delicacy deterred us from popping the question to ex-champion Mr. Max Baer, or ex-champion Mr. James J. Braddock. They were both knocked out by Joe Louis. They might have thought we were deliberately renewing cruel memories.

Ex-Champion Herr Max Schmeling, of Germany, might have had our answer. You can see that there were many ex-champions at the big prize fight. Indeed, they were so numerous that the cash customers had to be warned against scratching matches on ex-champions.

Ex -Champion Herr Max Schmeling, who knocked out Joe Louis, who knocked out Mr. Max Baer, who knocked out Herr Schmeling, might have said that a champion who could not knock out Mr. Farr is no kind of a champion, but then ex-Champion Herr Schmeling is slightly prejudiced. We did not want prejudiced answers.

Anger Over Louis Abated by Reason

In the light of cooler reasoning, our anger at Joe Louis abated, and we got to thinking that maybe the reason he did not knock out Mr. Farr was because Mr. Farr was pretty good. Yes, that was it. Mr. Farr was pretty good. We went to bed on that, first giving those British scribes who told readers that Mr. Farr was an 18-karat clown, who would be flattened by Joe Louis in two ticks.

They now have to go home and explain that crack, as well as their expense accounts.

We took a peek at one of those British scribes along about the fourteenth round, we were leading Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia in perspiring by at least a magnum. The scribe was out-perspiring us both a dishpan full. He was thinking of his home-going.

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